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codeman999988 @ 2007-02-21T08:53:00

2007-02-21T14:07:13Z

I'm at school. I have thirty minutes until my next class. I have a computer with internet access in front of me. There is no one on AIM.

I GUESS THAT MEANS IT IS LIVEJOURNAL TIME.

I feel great. I am making good friends at work. I am taking care of myself, and saving money. I am preparing for the start of my adult life. I think I'll make the transition well.

My life has been undergoing this long change for the past 3 months or so. Lots of this change hasn't gone like I planned it, not at all. It's been a longer, darker road than I expected, and the end still isn't quite in sight. I know what the end is though, and I know I am closer there than I have been in a long time.

My shakespeare class is really turning me into a hippie on the inside. There are lots of things that I have thought of as destinations in my life. Good health, good grades, good job, good acting. I realized though, that these aren't destinations, these are journies in and of themselves. Good health, good grades, good acting, these are things that you can't just arrive at, but that you have to work for every day, and once you have them, you have to work to maintain them every day.

I dwell. Hard. But I am remedying it. I am getting out of shape, but I am remedying it. I have retreated for the last few months into a pattern of slothness that I have not seen for years, one that has partially alienated me from my best friends and my favorite things.

But by God, I am remedying it.

In the last 5 days I have been uplifted. I don't really know WHY it was five days ago that I just decided to up and turn things around, but that's when it was, and every day since I have noticed a significant improvement (I don't think anyone else has really seen, but I think they will very soon).

I think I used to say, very very often, that I am "finally realizing my potential", and I won't insult myself by saying it here, again. It is possible, and probable, that I have already fucked up my life so much that I'll never be able to really realize my potential. I am okay with that, and it actually elevates me now. Now my goal is near unattainable, but I'm still going. I am still fucking up and starting over and trying to completely reverse all of the bad habits of my life all over again. I am still emerging from a low point of my life with high hopes and high aspirations for what a newly invigorated version of myself can achieve.

Who knows, maybe this time it will be a lot. The sky is warming up, and I typically do well when it warms up.

codeman999988 @ 2007-01-15T16:04:00

2007-01-15T21:25:28Z

So...

Umm, I am pretty pleased with where I am. I'm on a pretty huge upswing. It's all good.

Something that used to bother me were people who dropped "I love you" all the time. I speak in big words, often times curse words, because I like to think that I feel strongly about a lot of things. Feeling strongly is a good thing, and to use strong words to express that makes sense. But dropping love and hate too all the time seems to be the practice of those who don't take the words seriously, not those who hate and love lots.

Just something I noticed back when.

Another thing that really bothers me is girls that are too forward. Seriously ladies, don't you know that I have to secretly like you for at least 3 months before I consider asking you out or before I want you to even think of me in a non-friendly way? COME ON!

In all seriousness though, before I become close to someone I don't normally think of them as being anything more than an outsider. I don't want to go out with outsiders. This presents me with a dilemna.

On another very important note, I ASSURE you I am not deteriorating. I truly am on the upswing.

Don't you give up on me yet, I deserve better.

Has anyone ever had the problem of rejecting someone because you are too shy to say yes? I have had that problem. My oh my is it a handicap when it comes to finding a girlfriend. An inability to say yes to a pretty nice girl... seriously, after they take all of the work out of it for you... whew.

Can anyone even IMAGINE me with a girlfriend? I can't even IMAGINE it anymore.

Not that it truly matters. I don't long for it like I used to. I just long for peace now, and I am ever ever closer to finding it. When I'm finally settled, when I can finally respect myself and respect my life and feel happy, THEN I can try for that with enthusiasm. Lately, there's been little to no enthusiasm.

codeman999988 @ 2007-01-01T07:58:00

2007-01-01T13:12:22Z

Sorry if I let anyone down for just staying in on new years, but I had already decided that was what I was doing when 5pm rolled around and I was still dealing with "Is it at your house?, where are we going to have it?, WHY isn't it at YOUR house?" shit. I decided to hell with new years this year. It's only a day.

Also, I am still very angry about the whole Whitney thing. First off, I have never felt a weakness greater than giving a scare to the person who continuously supplies you with a near constant party at almost no cost. Also, where is it written down that you can just show up to MY HOUSE, my HOUSE, with all of the booze you want and just walk right in and start getting hammered.

I know it may seem as if this is how it is, and how it has always been, but you are WRONG. The reason I hate it when the college kids come down is because there are a few of them who just DON'T LISTEN to me when I say it isn't that way, and I am too nice of a guy to kick them the fuck out and tell them not to come back until they learn respect (well, not anymore).

You see, when everyone is away at college, and it's just me and Ricky and Tyler, they don't just show up randomly with gallons of alcohol to get drunk. Quite the contrary, we regularly call to see what is up. As a matter of fact, almost all of our planning is done over the phone. This structure, of course, isn't CONSTANT, but over the months that's pretty much what it works out to.

I notice the people who appreciate what I want out of this matter (I wish I could think of a different word) but the problem is that they get PUNISHED for it. When I have something else planned at my house, and I don't ask anyone to come, and someone is trying to be considerate and call me but I'm only thinking of myself so I'm not answering, well, when EVERYONE ELSE just shows up uninvited it makes me out to be an even bigger jerk than I already was for not answering my phone.

Anyways, I guess I'm just pissed off right now. I'm pissed that my New Years didn't go as I planned it. I'm pissed that no one fucking respects my house. I'm pissed that everyone just showed up to get wasted when I was TRYING to have a fight night at my house (something that I can actually pull off when everyone isn't back). I'm pissed that my entire dynamic has been thrown off, and that now I basically just go to work and come home and sleep, because I don't know how to deal with this new dynamic. I'm pissed that I end up making so big of a deal over something so easily worked out by everyone else.

codeman999988 @ 2006-12-25T15:06:00

2006-12-25T20:25:50Z

Merry Christmas.

To all of you who complain about me being vague, here is the full and complete run-down. I ended things with CeCe, it resembled a breakup more than anything else I've ever experienced with anyone. I am upset about it, a little, but I felt that it absolutely had to be done. She was pretty sure it wasn't going to be me anyways. It's really a sad thing for me, and it was a sad thing going through with it, but I had to. She understands, and mostly agrees.

I really DID have it bad for that girl. She was never ever going to be who I wanted her to be, and I probably would have never been what she wanted me to be. It's probably for the best.

I wish her well, because I honestly can't wish her anything else, but I don't want to see her again. I feel like I've been strung along by this girl, on and off, for YEARS now. It's no great secret that I wasn't all over her for those 4 years, and that at times I could care less about her, but I don't know. It's like I've been Osman'd to a greater scale than she or anyone else ever was.

I'm tore up about it plenty, I am, but it's the only way that makes sense, and it's the best for me, and sometimes you just have to look out for number 1.

Honestly, I've WASTED the past 4 years when it comes to girls. WASTED them. I only go after girls that either A) I have no chance with or B) are no good for me. It turns out that she was both. Still though, I really do wish her the best.

Which isn't to say I'm not mad as all fucking hell. I mean, I don't think I'd be this frank about everything if I weren't. To my credit, I still pulled all of my truly devestating punches. She should know it too, she should know that I REALLY COULD have been mean, and I wasn't. Well, if she doesn't, she might think so after reading this.

I did.

Anyways, christmas was pretty good. It cheered me up a bit, and that's good. I got lots of good stuff from my family, and I gave lots of good stuff to my family.

L3wt:
Video Ipod
TV Stand
5.1 Surround sound system
Clothes
Movies (INCLUDING ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF MOTHERFUCKING THIEVES!)
A Mattress cover so my bed will now be comfortable

codeman999988 @ 2006-11-16T13:56:00

2006-11-16T17:56:50Z

You know what, I have found complacency and I like it. I think I've been inspired by JC.

You know, JC was scorned and ridiculed and hated by almost everyone, but he loved everyone in spite of it. That is a beautiful thing, and I realized something.

To be a true christian you have to love everyone regardless of how they treat you. You have to be everything you can be for them, to help them in any way you can. There is reward to be found in living that life. The reward is not eternal bliss in heaven or some stupid shit like that. The reward is in the process. It is it's own reward.

That is how I want to live my life, and I am far from it because I am no JC by a long ways. Still, I truly want to be everything I can be to everyone.

That's my reasoning anyways, it might be a load of BS. It's my reasoning for explaining why:

I am entirely happy and complacent with everything.

codeman999988 @ 2006-11-15T22:37:00

2006-11-16T02:37:43Z

Weird times. Very weird times indeed.

I now have school and work on the same days because I was stupid and requested it. I also have a cell phone with 1000 text messages a month which are stupid and I'm not going to use them.

The Tapestry volunteer dinner thing was a big disappointment. All of the people that I wanted to see didn't show up. Jacqueline, Rashard, Sara, Rachel, April, Michael... the list truly goes on. Only the Tapestry rejects were there...

I was there.

I'm a good guy, I think. There are some people that I am really shitty to though. But overall, I think I am a good guy who is not nearly as deceitful or conniving or judgemental as I like to sometimes pretend I am.

There is more for me to say, but I don't know what it is.

codeman999988 @ 2006-11-07T14:50:00

2006-11-07T18:50:53Z

What a busy few days.

2 days ago I worked for 12 hours, 5:30-1am and 6-10:30pm. That was not fun. I took a nice nap and got some homework done in between though. Woo! So, school yesterday was sorta stressful, by the time I got home (3pm) I was exhausted. Mentally mostly, I hadn't done anything to entertain my piddly little brain in quite some time.

There are so many things in life that I am going to have to learn through experience. I am normally pretty good at just emulating, at just doing what I've seen other people do and do pretty okay.

I may be losing it a little bit. I have a volunteer appreciating dinner friday, a show that I promised Kailie I would go to Saturday, work almost every time I'm not free, and I'm sleeping more. I have no free time, it feels like, and when I do it's in 10 minute increments (like right now).

My cell phone has been dead too.

Part of living my closed in arrogant life is not knowing the simple things, the obvious things. I try to apply my fucking amazing intellect to some of these problems and realize that there isn't always logic that works. There isn't always a way to think out of them. And yeah, I'm not able to accept some basic obvious truths as truths. I don't know man.

codeman999988 @ 2006-11-04T04:48:00

2006-11-04T08:48:52Z

Good day.

I aced my "test" on running the bar at Starbucks. I made my drinks to perfection. Every single one got nothing but praise. You want a macchiato baby? I'm your man.

Then I went on this long mission with my brother to get FEAR (a videogame, yes, I'm still not cool). We went to three different electronics stores before finally finding it at EB in Tyson's. Dustin works there, and I shot the shit with him for about 5 minutes before leaving. I don't hold any grudges from high school.

After that, we planned our Borat outing. Tom was a no go. Ricky was a no go. Paul was a no go. All seemed lost, until we got Yeti.

Now, that might make it sound like Yeti is some last resort or some shit, but that just aint the case. Yeti is the coolest motherfucker in the world (yes... I love you more Ricky, lol).

At Borat I see Manuel and we talk it up for a minute, forgot to mention the Gala but whatever.

Earlier today, Paul Morton from Romeo and Juliet sent me an email asking me to be in some show for a theatre company he is starting. That is really cool I think.

Umm, when Bret, Yeti and I came home Bret went to sleep and Yeti and I played FEAR for like an hour, scary as shit. It was so awesome.

I was thinking today too, I thought lots of stuff. I don't think it was bad either. I answered some stuff for myself, stuff that was bothering me. I really liked what I learned though.

codeman999988 @ 2006-10-23T03:38:00

2006-10-23T08:03:44Z

I'm not as bad as it is easy to think. It comes from Unitarianism... and Kurt Vonnegut, I think. One thing in the same really.
----------------

Umm, I had this great long dialogue with Phil about the role of the church in politics and personal life. During the conversation I came to this conclusion. Religion is FINE for smart people, but not okay for the majority of American retards. I don't really plan on recapping the entire conversation to explain how I got to that point.

Anyways, umm, my life is boring as shit right now. There's some stuff going on I guess, but it's all internal and not stuff that I particularly want to talk about.

I know I don't like it. Yeah, that part I am confident about. I am pretty sure I liked it more when I didn't like it. Life, I mean. There's just not a lot going on, and I prefer for things I don't like to go on.

I mean, stagnation is always bad.

I don't know. I guess I am bored.

Please don't ask me if I am still a virgin.

2006-10-08T07:48:24Z

The following is a thought I had; stymied from a conversation. Umm, it's not meant as some angry mean-spirited reply to the conversation, so much as me venting about something that I routinely encounter. Anyways, this is what I wrote.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't really decipher my mood going into this post. I don't think it's spite. I don't think it's anger. I don't know what it is really. There is definitely feeling behind the following, I just don't know what feeling.

But I do know I feel it 100%. I almost always feel at 100%.

To everyone: I am not your peer. Yes, I am still QUITE the virgin. Yes... it is true. (What a fucking shocker?) I assure you that when I am no longer, I will LET YOU KNOW, OKAY (though, out of respect, I may simply just say "yeah, I'm not a virgin anymore". Who knows? I don't yet know the circumstances under which I will lose it.)

At any rate, I feel like I have very different views on love and loyalty and sex than most of you. It may very well be simply because I've yet to have sex. Still, I hold by those views and until I find reason to find them dated, I don't apologize for them (not that anyone has ASKED me to or anything.)

I typically feel small (HAHAHA NO FUCKING PUN INTENDED) when people are talking about sex, or hooking up, or love, or whatever. I, frankly, don't have much to bring to the conversation, okay? I've, uhh, gotten to second base a few times, and I MIGHT have been in love, and I certainly LOVE people (which, I am told, against my understanding, is quite different than being in love).

I have a little to offer though; here are my thoughts.

When I was about 15 I decided I was looking for a wife. Seriously, I was a devout christian and I wanted to eventually have a gorgeous 50 year anniversary with someone. I was in no hurry, no hurry at all, and I thought that when it was time for me to find her I would. I don't really hold to that any more.

But, a certain part of me does. A big part of me, really. I'm not looking for someone to eventually be my wife anymore, that part is certainly true. But I also am not looking for someone to be my meaningless fuck, or a meaningless girlfriend. Does that mean I want to get a girl and be with her forever right now? No, I don't think it does. But I don't want some fucking person who gives me lots of sex if I pretend that I care about her bullshit.

Maybe I am naive. Shit, I am probably naive. But I am convinced that there is more to love than sex. Maybe my youth pastors were right all along. I don't remember girl/boy drama being quite so consequential before sex was added. I remember my various youth pastors telling me that sex messes with young people's mind, and most of them are too immature to have it when they do, and that you aren't mature enough to have it until you are very much in love and married.

That might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but I see it all the time. I see kids (and yes, we are all KIDS, fucking KIDS) having sex and becoming immensely confused and emotional and sad and they don't know how to handle those feelings.

My youth pastors always told me that sex would be fine when you are married and in love because you are having sex with, hey, guess what, your soul mate. It is the person God chose for you, so any weird emotional or sexual problems you are having with that person are easily solved, because you completely love and trust them.

I am a bashful guy. I rarely make the first move and when I do it is with a lot of prodding (sorta, making it NOT the first move, but whatever). But, I do make that move sometimes. With a few exceptions (and yes, there are definitely exceptions) I end up regretting any move I make, for a wide variety of reasons.

There are people that make me happy that I am alive. People that remind me every time we speak that every second I have is PRECIOUS. My life is a gift. A GIFT. Somehow, I got it, maybe it was God maybe not. It doesn't matter. The point is. I was born, and I like it that way; and there are people that remind me that I am on this amazing journey. They don't always make me happy, sometimes they flatout piss me off. But, they remind me that I only have the time I have, and that what I was given, it was very much worth it; and I love them.

I really do.

codeman999988 @ 2006-10-02T14:36:00

2006-10-02T18:52:30Z

Nothing can stop me.

I got a job. I'm doing well in school. I have a very solid "Whatever happens, just fucking happens, man" attitude. Very important to my attitude are the "fucking" and the ",man". I don't really know why those are important. But they are.

Umm, I don't know if I'm "learning" a lot like I thought I was. I'm still doing well though. I guess I am finally a little more able to put things in perspective. I purposefully try to oversimplify things in here sometimes. It comes across as vague, but I think of it more as an obvious little realization for me. Something that everyone knows, it's really obvious, but I say it anyways, in an attempt to remember it. My latest "vague" thing that isn't really me trying to be vague but more of a little reminder of the obvious is this:

"Some things are more important than other things."

There are lots of things that people don't like. Dishonesty, stagnation, cowardice. There's lots of things.

codeman999988 @ 2006-09-15T06:10:00

2006-09-15T10:08:56Z

One of my favorite things to do is just sit and think. Not like I just sit in a corner and shut everyone out all hours of the day or something. It is nice sometimes, though, to just sit and let your thoughts do whatever they want.

Sometimes talking is just thinking with a partner. Those are the best times to talk. When it's free and open and there are no inhibitions and no one has a motive. That's really beautiful stuff.

I don't really know what I am doing anymore. I am doing well in school, that's good. But other than that my life is sorta... I don't know.

I'm not thinking enough. Do you ever feel like you are handling almost everything in the moment, and you find yourself horribly terribly unprepared? That's me right now. I am taking everything as it comes, and it's not really working out.

I don't know if I believe in fate. It's easy to believe in fate because wherever I am feels like the ONLY place I could possibly be. It might not be, though. I might have never moved to NOVA and I might not have a dream, or have a different dream, and I might not know the people I know now.

Too much in my life has come about through thought-out DECISIONS (though, not necessarily by me) for me to believe in fate. Was it fate that I moved here? I didn't get on a raft and float here, my mother CHOSE to move me here. Is it fate that I talk to and know who I know now? We didn't get ripped apart in some war or something and then randomly bump into each other in some big city, we CHOSE to keep in contact. We make decisions. All of MY fate is people.

Sometimes it's really hard to notice when something is different. When you are used to something being one way for so long, its easy to think that it's still the way it was. I think every once in a while I should sit down and re-evaluate things. I don't re-evaluate enough.

I am too content. I normally think "Wow, I am so lucky to have what I have.". It's probably true. It is true, I am lucky. Still, it is foolish to think that what I have is all I can have. We have to be constantly working for more don't we? Settling is oh so boring.

I remember when that is all I used to harp on. How I didn't want to settle with what I had. How I wanted to go ahead and try to get more. I had the right mindset then. At least then, I was MOVING. I wasn't so stagnant. My life was changing and change is good. I was feeling and feeling is good. Feeling is always good.

I HATE not feeling. I hate things not changing. I hate being in the same place that I was yesterday.

codeman999988 @ 2006-09-10T00:33:00

2006-09-10T04:43:04Z

So, I was bored and I was reading through some of my old LJ posts and old journal writings and shit, and I realized something.

Holy shit I used to be such a little bitch. Frankly, I don't know how some of you put up with it.

Hi Everyone

2006-09-05T03:14:28Z

So, I slept all day Sunday and Monday. Man, I was so tired, thank God Monday is/was Labor Day. I don't know how well I would have fared at school.

Richmond was a lot of fun. I am glad that I went.

I write nothing in my livejournal. That fact is ever so apparent to me now.

But why should I? The fact that I could be divulging every single little facet of my life to all of my friends isn't exactly appealing.

I'm going to go to sleep now, so I can get a good start in the morning.

codeman999988 @ 2006-08-24T15:35:00

2006-08-24T19:47:34Z

"As Jo's pal and would-be suitor Teddy Laurence, Cody Crenshaw vigorously handles scenes of personal anguish in Act 2. His hammy performance may result in inappropriate laughter a few times, but it is otherwise a nice splash of sensation in a sea of blandness."

I can deal with that.

"A nice splash of sensation in a sea of blandness" certainly SEEMS like a compliment. I don't know. It's not BAD, I think.

I got a few things going for me right now. I have some more shakespeare classes coming up. I have another weekend of shows, which I am looking forward to. I started back on my track to get in shape (lord knows I need to).

I'm going to make it.

So, apparently President Bush has been claiming that he has read 60 books so far this year. Lots of liberal blogs have been attacking his intelligence, proclaiming "BUSH!? Read 60 books!? I don't believe it!" but I don't think that is the right thing to do. At Huffingtonpost.com Cesca makes a far better point, basically amounting to "60 books so far this year is more than one book a week... ummm, I know I am only SORTA busy and I dont have time to read more than 2 books a month. Why is this president reading so much, doesn't he have more... you know, president-y things he needs to be doing?"

The very last of my college friends will be gone this weekend.

I am a very different person than I was two years ago. I think it is for the better.

Stolen from Paula

2006-08-16T20:22:47Z

Put iTunes on random, ask the question, press next, and see if iTunes answers your question with the song you get.
Don't take answers that don't make sense!

-How many songs in your iTunes? 1109

1. What is missing from my life?
Devil Girl - Tiger Army

2. Will I find love?
No News Is Good News - New Found Glory

3. Will I become rich?
Never Sometimes - New Found Glory

4. Does someone have a crush on me?
Where Are You? - Saves The Day

5. What is my favorite sexual position?
Under The Bridge - RHCP

6. Am I good looking?
You Wouldn't Believe - 311

7. What makes me the most happy?
Sending Postcards From A Planecrash - Fallout Boy

8. What is my biggest regret?
This Love - Maroon 5

9. How will I die?
This Fire - Franz Ferdinand

10. Do I act my age?
Tyrant - The Bravery

11. What type of tattoo should I get?
Bananaphone - Raffi

12. What is my spirit animal?
Tara Reid Is A Whore - Head Automatica

13. Do I like pain?
Scraped Knees - New Found Glory

14. Is there anyone else like me out there?
Boss DJ - Reel Big Fist

15. Do I love to party?
Saturday Night Fever - The Beegees

16. Where should I move to?
The Shooting Star That Destroyed Us All - A Static Lullaby

17. Will I ever be president?
Me VS Madonna VS Elvis - Brand New

18. What is fun for me?
Time To Dance - Panic At The Disco

19. Will I ever learn to fly?
Breaking Away - Ratatat

20. What is my super power?
We Looked Like Giants - Death Cab

21. What can I do to move on?
Come On Home - Franz Ferdinand

codeman999988 @ 2006-08-13T07:29:00

2006-08-13T11:31:16Z

Did you know you don't have to grow up the way they tell you?

You don't.

I'm starting to feel very bitter. Very very very bitter.

codeman999988 @ 2006-08-10T10:27:00

2006-08-10T14:47:51Z

Last night of rehearsal. It is quite impossible for me to know how well this show is doing. I knew Romeo and Juliet sucked with some okay parts. I knew Caesar was pretty good. I knew Fahrenheit was absolutely miserable. This show, I honestly don't know, I've gotten no sort of true outside opinion.

I know I certainly don't steal away every scene. I steal away zero scenes in fact. This isn't the type of role that lends itself to stealing the spotlight. I think I do it pretty well though.

There has been a huge clash with the director since day 1 about theory. She is al about realism, and I respect that, but I have little experience with it and I don't care for it much. Don't get me wrong, I always want to achieve some real level of believability, but realism just seems stupid to me. If someone wanted to see realism they would just sneak up and listen to two people talking in the park.

People don't want real, real is boring. Real is what these people come home to after they leave the theatre. Perhaps that is why I like Shakespeare so, he certainly has a theatrical bent to him.

Anyways, I've suppressed 98% of that for the role of Laurie. The director tells me it looks good so I believe her. I honestly don't know, but I hope everyone will come see it anyways. I think this will be my last show with Tapestry. I guess I'll offer to help them however I can in my spare time or whatever, but it is about time i've moved on to bigger and better.

So, yeah, please everyone come see my show. Little Women runs at 7:30pm on August 11, 12, 18, 19, 25, and 26th. There are also 3pm matinees on the 13th, 20th, and 27th.

Nostalgia

2006-08-03T12:50:06Z

The following excerpts are from my paper journal. I rarely write in it (I think I've filled up 50 pages in it so far). My first entry is dated August 2nd, 2005 4:30pm. My last entry is dated July 20th, 2006 5:00am. The following are excerpts that I've chosen to write because I find them A) entirely true B) apt and relevant to my life and situations I face now or C) entirely false. I don't think I'll bother to point out which category any particular quote falls under.

Everything I have added is in brackets [like this]. All parenthesis (these) are contained in the quote, as it is written in the journal. Anyways...

1) Life goes on no matter what happens, unless you die.

2) I have my point of view back, isn't that exciting?

3) Life sucks when you are thinking about your problems all the time.

4) I now see... that the world is a lot bigger than my little nook in NoVa.

5) I am the good guy [as opposed to the bad guy. In a moral context, as in the good guy in the movie].

6) I realize just now that, while FCHS changed me, a certain part of me stuck around. My college self [me at the time, as opposed to my high school self] is the product of Lisa Harrow.

7) I'm sure I'll be fine.

8) I wish that [he/she/they... this quote or a slightly different version of it comes up numerous times with different pronouns] would be more clear.

9) No matter how attractive (or more accurately, how little unattractive) I get I know I will never have any confidence with girls [the rest is in different color pen, surely edited at a later date] that I don't COMPLETELY trust.

10) I guess I was wrong about that [recurring, apparently I was wrong a lot].

11) Today is the day that I turn things around [recurring in various forms].

codeman999988 @ 2006-08-01T03:46:00

2006-08-01T07:51:17Z

It aint easy. I should start saying "aint" more. It's such a colorful word.

Coriolanus. I will ROCK Coriolanus. Maybe not.

I need some more direction. Don't get me wrong, I feel pretty directed. I still think I need a little more.

*sigh*

codeman999988 @ 2006-07-30T09:03:00

2006-07-30T13:03:39Z

I got a lot of work to do.

I miss the way it was before no one even knew me

2006-07-24T08:21:15Z

I made a deal with the devil and he didn't do his part. He lied to me and now I'm dead. Dead.

Just kidding.

Today I start my masterpiece. Only one person knows anything about it.

I'm going to go start it right now.

codeman999988 @ 2006-06-27T21:46:00

2006-06-28T01:58:38Z

All I have to do is make it to tomorrow and I'll be doing okay.

Old habits die hard.

The shakespeare class is AMAZING. I am looking for things in the text, after only two classes, that I would have never actively looked for before. I am learning to read the verse as, well, as verse.

The bane of my life is my reactionism. I have a large inability to intiate, but I find once I am IN a particular position I don't handle it poorly. I don't handle it poorly. I just can't go there. Sometimes I find myself there anyways.

I wish I had more to write.

codeman999988 @ 2006-06-22T12:39:00

2006-06-22T16:40:21Z

HAHAHAH! I am in SUCH a good mood right now. Stupid stupid painkillers. HAHAHA!

It is SOOOO weird. Like, honestly, me being so amazingly happy right now is just weird as all hell.

codeman999988 @ 2006-06-22T00:23:00

2006-06-22T04:23:28Z

Last night I had a great idea for a scene that I wanted to write and I forgot it.